Wednesday, August 26, 2015

Ambition, or lack of it

What do I wish I could have more? I say "time" every single time. Sometimes, I feel my days are drowned in cooking and and endless house chores. I just need that a few more hours that allow me to be more productive, or just to relax and read a book.

"Why don't you sell your clothes?" Some friends have been saying. Thank you for your faith in my wonky stitches. I wish it's that easy. I have the tendency to do it all myself. Originally, when I opted for sewing and crafting, I wanted to stay away from all the inferior quality goods made in China. Having worked in the trade industry many moons ago, I experienced quality problems personally, not only as a consumer, but as an importer/exporter. These years have shaped the way I am today. To sell my clothes and bring some income, is indeed a good idea. But I will have to rely on other people's work ethic. Call it trust issue. I prefer to work alone. And right now, I am clothing my own little family with trial and error. Until I am really good at what I do, I am not ready to branch out just yet.

"Why don't you get a maid, like almost everybody else does?" It's not that I think I can clean better, it's a combination of issues. There are dark days when I just feel like doing no more housework. I did explore the possibility of having people come to the house to clean. But none of them ended up long term. Would I rather deal with their issues or the housework? I'd choose housework everytime.

"You need to accept help and free yourself." When I was in my happy working days in my 20s, did I envision myself being a stay-at-home-mom whose main task is house maintenance? Never. But there's a silving lining to everything. We have family communal spring clean Saturdays now, when we all participate in the housework. Even C does it. It's all worth it when I see her waiting for tasks, or to know the fact that she almost tidies up the shower shelves everyday, out of habit. To not have a maid in the house, has brought us more joy, and taught us responsibility.

I am still at the very early learning stage of this sewing journey. Do I want to monetize my work one day? Of course, but only if it's growing in a very slow and steady pace. People call it "organically" nowadays, don't they? The last thing I want is mass production. I have this dream that one day, I'm going to open up a shop that sells only limited handmade things. It will be a good place for C to work during the school holidays, while I catch up with some housework.... :-D

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