Tuesday, May 19, 2015

A Very Happy and Belated Anniversary

I've been blogging for more than a year. That should've called for some kind of celebration, except that I'm not all that good with special dates, so I missed the anniversary, somewhere last month.

This blog was born from my deepest fear and absolute need to reach out and do things, besides child caring. Why would I say "fear"? I've always felt insecure being a stay-at-home mom. I have that "what if" question at the back of my head that I don't have an answer to. What if one day M's income is not enough to cover our expense and I'm in my 40's or 50's who hasn't worked professionally for a good or two decades. Where do I start from? What do I do?

So one day I made 700 Mandarin teaching pamphlets and gave it to the senior department of C's school. At the same time, I approached another classroom space and see if I could spend my mornings teaching, while still have the whole afternoon free for C, who only went to school half day at the time. Very surprisingly, I got no reply from all those 700 handouts, and that classroom outside school didn't happen either because the very limited advertisement I did brought me zero student. It was a mixed feeling. I was a little disappointed that my plan didn't work out, but mostly, I felt relieved. I am not the teacher type of a person and that idea came out of desperation to just start something somewhere.

Being the wonder woman that my mother-in-law is, she only started her career as an real estate agent in her 60's. That brought me the idea to follow her footsteps, maybe I should become one too? Besides the worry about my more of an introvert personality,  taking clients to houses in after hours was also inevitable. Evenings are the crucial humming hours in our house. So that's that and I didn't pursue any further.

Meanwhile, my old boss gave me an opportunity to work part-time in the office and bring home whatever I couldn't finish. Unfortunately that also didn't work out because I didn't have anybody to look after C during school holidays and to hire a well educated au pair in order to compensate my hours was not worth it. Leaving C to the hands of a domestic cleaner or nanny (like some people would call it here) was never an option.

So, I was back to square one. What could I possibly do with flexible hours and still be able to be with C? I went back to my Mandarin teaching idea. This time I thought about posting free videos on Youtube and either I would earn some Ads fee eventually, or I'd prepare additional homework for a small fee. Due to the growing unstablility of South African Rand, I've always had this if-I-was-ever-going-to-have-an-income-it-has-to-be-based-on-a-strong-foreign-currency thing going on in my head.  I prepared materials for four lessons and called a halt. It's just not what my heart was telling me to do. If I had to carry on for the sake of doing it, it would be like carrying a heavy thing that weighs me down all the time, let alone producing quality educational videos.

Sewing was really an accident. It's more like following the housewife line but reaching out with a blog space. M had this old domestic machine in his old office that he was cleaning up one day and I took it home. I had never touched a sewing machine before but the idea of making things was exciting. I took a beginners' class and got a new low-end machine (OK the old machine wasn't really working even after a full service) and my journey began.

One year later, C's got an almost fully handmade closet and I'm working on mine too. What seemed impossible before is now a piece of cake. What was never my thing like documenting and writing has become my thing. This little space is a witness of my growth. It has become a part of me. It sparks positivity in me and I must add -- it beats any therapy. :D

Till next time.

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